How to work towards an empowered caesarean Part 2

On the afternoon of the 27th of November I went into gentle labour, and hung out with Currawong slowly getting ready, resting between expansions, and being gently sexual. Later that night it hotted up and I felt like the baby/ies were gonna come before my midwives even got there. I made Currawong call everyone over, and wake two fellow community members to help him cart water for me. I was riding the expansions like I'd ride an orgasm, and my whole family and midwives and two community members were holding space for me in a totally honourable way. My waters broke while I was in the birthing pool, and the plug popped like a champagne cork against the pool. But I could only get to a certain point, which felt to me like it was just one step behind transition, and could go no further. My beautiful midwives gave me the time and space to come to my own conclusions within safe limits, and also gave me many suggestions about how to birth a breech baby, which it still was, not having miraculously turned at the last minute. It was a beautiful time, a fellow community member stroked my face in the pool and told me that I WAS the goddess, she also fed kids and made sure that everyone was ok. My mum was there gently in the background giving me her rock like support like she always has. All my kids were looking forward to meeting their new sibling. I faced one of my fears – to have expansions out of the water – and found it wasn't that bad. We hung a rope from the ceiling and I bounced on a ball, we walked around outside and did the labyrinth in our back yard. For the first time in my birthing history I masturbated through expansions, and found that this helped a lot. I also got into some raw sex with Currawong hoping this would help things along. My midwives were there the whole time, checking me and my baby/ies, making sure everything was safe.

At around 11 in the morning on the 28th of November, I finally faced the fact that my baby/ies weren't going to come at home, and we had to transfer to hospital. You know how in hindsight things make so much more sense than you thought at the time? Well for the first time in our birthing history Currawong had made a bed with a plastic sheet underneath in our magic bus, and all that was left was to pack a bag and go. That trip down to Flinders hospital was the longest and scariest of my life. Another fear faced. To have to transfer to hospital and be driven whilst in childbirth. One of the midwives came with me to hold my hand while Currawong and my big daughter sat in the front and drove, and another midwife met us there and stayed with my big girl while Currawong and my hand-holding midwife went in.

And from the moment I walked into the hospital, everyone just smiled at me. The front desk person who had been warned I was coming told me how calm I looked and was surprised I'd been in labour for the past 19 hours. Everyone in the halls smiled at me, and we got swept straight away into a room where they gave me gas and found out what details they needed, took off my birthing plan to read, (HA! Oh to have been a fly on the wall when they read THAT one...), and got me ready for the hospital process. The head obstetritian just happened to be available, and this tall strapping fella who reminded me of one of my brothers gave me an ultrasound and described to me respectfully and gently everything he was doing. He told me that I had just the one baby, and that the cord was around his neck with a high placenta, and that the only way he was going to come out into the world without dying was to have a caesarean. It was just as well that he hadn't engaged in the birth canal fully, because the pull would probably have strangled him. By this time I was so profusely greatful that the end was in sight, and that I couldn't have done it on my own, and that they were all THERE and being so sweet to me, that I just thanked him again and again, and everyone else who I came into contact with. Thanked them for being there, thanked them for studying so hard so they knew what to do, and thanked them for helping me. On this amazing slide through the hospital system, I also just happened to be there when the surgery was available, so we went straight in, and I found myself in a room full of smiling people who all introduced themselves to me and told me what their role was. The paediatrician shook my hand and told me that if all went well he wouldn't be touching me or my baby, to which I gave him profound thanks, and the anesthetist looked like a total dude. I thanked them all in as many ways as I could think of, and I think they were a bit surprised (especially after reading my birth plan) at how effusively greatful this strapping hippy earth mother type was being. I even managed to crack a joke when my spine was having a needle put into it and he told me it would feel like an ant bite. “What sort of ant?” I asked in a droll fashion. They all laughed. While all this was happening, the head obstetritian was in the corner on a computer googling 'placenta, lotus birth', and getting ready to be part of his first lotus birth, no questions asked, and no judgement given. My midwife was allowed in which I found out later was NOT the norm, and they seated Currawong next to me and told him he could look at what was happening if he wanted. The midwife who was with me told me later that I'd got the Gold Card treatment, and that she'd never before seen a caesarean where the staff were wanting to stand so close to the mother. I had a hospital midwife behind me, stroking my hair while it was all happening.

Another fear faced – having a caesarean. It was freaky. Made so much less freaky by the respectful and gentle attitudes around me, but freaky nonetheless. From the moment the anasthetic hit me I shook uncontrollably, teeth rattling in my head. Most of it is a bit of a blur because I was so totally focused on the person inside me and when he was going to be in my arms. There was a sheet between them and me, and to this day, the most traumatic part of the whole experience was hearing him cry, and not being able to touch and comfort him instantly. Still. Because I was having a lotus birth, they only held him till my placenta was out, and gave him straight to me then, which was only about 3 minutes, and by all accounts a HUGELY shorter time between birth and arms than most other women having a caesarean experience. And when he was handed to me I only had one arm with which to hold him as the other was strapped down with a drip, and he was laid across my chest with his head on my lips. After gusty screaming during the separation, he laid face down with his hands by the side of his face, and settled down to almost sleep, as soon as my lips touched his head and I murmured a welcome to him. And he didn't leave my arms except for when Currawong or my family held him for about 6 weeks afterwards.

And I'm positive that this experience was so positive BECAUSE I'd birthed as much as I could at home powerfully, sexually and spiritually, doing the labyrinth and the rest and BECAUSE I didn't know what the outcome would be before it happened and I walked into the experience open hearted and expecting the best ( I may have been tempted to book in for a caesarean if I knew before hand that it was the only way he was coming out ), and BECAUSE I'd written such a kick-arse birthing plan before it happened, and BECAUSE I trusted in my body and my life experience and surrendered to the experience. All these factors combined just picked me up on a big beautiful wave that bore me through the whole hospital experience.

Healing took a long time. Gone forever were my illusions about caesareans being an 'easy' option. I went into the hospital a vibrant young woman, and came out middle aged. I had less patience than usual, felt like I'd gone back to my teen years in terms of insecurity and having a low body image, and things that I'd usually let slide made me ravenously angry. In lots of ways I was depressed, insecure, and low. About 5 months down the track I self diagnosed Post Natal Depression from the Edinburgh scale, and at least felt like I had somewhere to start in making it right.

I sought a consultation with Russel, the Ayurvedic Masseuse, and he explained to me that my major meridian had been cut, which resulted in symptoms very close to post natal depression. He also said that the scalpel being steel was a conductor, so whatever energy the surgeon had, or mood they were in, was left as a memory in my body. He gave me a massage and showed me how to arch my fingers over the scar to heal the meridian. And then I was fortunate enough to meet the beautiful Andrea Hart, acupuncturist, who happens to be one of the few acupuncturists in the country who knew about how to heal caesareans, as she'd had one herself when learning. She went on to confirm what Russel said, as well as add to the meridian information the knowledge that where they put spinal needles in caesareans, is a place that acupuncturists never go near, as it locks off the power to the bottom half of your body. Sessions with her helped to restore my 'chi', as well as repair the damage done by the spinal and the cut. I also sought a few sessions with a psychologist, who showed me some ways to help heal my head. But I'd have to say that the best healing occurred when 4 of our children and my mother got whooping cough, all moved into our house, and all needed love. Currawong and I were going through one of the roughest patches we'd had in a long time before whooping cough hit. And realised that whooping cough was all about love and we had to put our fighting in our back pockets. We noticed that the kids got sicker when we fought, and that old saying 'fake it till you make it' proved true. By the time whooping cough was over we were in love again, and because the fear had been so strong, other issues like post natal depression paled into insignificance. On Balthazar's first birthday I realised that I was back to my old self, fit and strong again, and all the issues around a caesarean had abated.

We sat around our home with the people who were at our birth and talked about what had happened, how we realised that the caesarean had taken over Balthazar's birth story, and we hadn't talked about the powerful birthing at home. We reclaimed our home birth, and when Currawong was crying and talking about the most intense part of Balthazar's birth for him – which was driving me safely to the hospital – a tree branch cracked and broke outside our house, and it felt like the experience was released. We realised that we'd all been enriched by the experience, and learnt so much that the whole birth became a valuable nugget of learning. Some of my deepest birthing fears had been faced, and we were all stronger and wiser for the experience. Thank you Balthazar, and thank you my beautiful and strongly loving partner and family, and thank you to our community......

How to work towards an empowered caesarean Part 1

Around this time last year I was getting well and truly ready to birth. My baby was definitely breech, and my magical midwife thought there might even be two in there, so she'd called in another magical midwife as back up and support. I didn't have any ultrasounds, I was 38 and I'd had 4 other children. 2 in hospital and 2 at home. Such a narrow description of incredibly transformative events, but there you have it. I had faith in my body and my ability to birth, and I had faith in the little person/s inside me, that they'd create the situation they needed to birth into, and all would be well. I'd created a term 'ECO' birthing, which stood for Easy, Comfortable and Orgasmic, and I was busy making nappies from groovy material, pads, and nipple pads. The birthing room was organised, and we weren't far off putting up the pool. Interestingly enough, I'd met three women just before the birth who had all had caesareans, and internally I was smug in my belief that they must have been enculturated to the point that they didn't believe in their bodies enough to birth naturally. I also 'knew' that I was going to have a girl, even though in the beginning I 'knew' it was a boy. My midwife brought me a breech book, and I decided not to read it, as I didn't want to sway my experience, or feed possible problems into my already fertile imagination. I was sure that my baby/ies would turn if they could, even at the last minute. I guess you could say I took the blind faith approach.

My midwife asked me to fill out the details in my orange pregnancy record, and I took great delight in filling out the Birth Plan bit, cause I was sure I wasn't going to end up in hospital, so I took it as an opportunity to write what I REALLY wanted to tell them, rather than think about politics or diplomacy. This is what I wrote. I'll write the documents questions in itallics, and my replies in normal script.

BIRTH PLAN

Birth
Describe the kind of labour and birth you wish to experience (e.g. position, cutting the cord, pain relief).
In water, no internals, no intervention whatsoever unless ABSOLUTELY essential, no drugs whatsoever, no vaccinations after birth, and no cord cutting as we do lotus birthing, no separation from mother at all, no grabbing baby and giving it to me – I can do that myself. Thank-you.....

Cultural or religious needs
Human Animal liberationist, pagan and anarchist, that believes birth is totally natural and best left alone by western medicine.

How you would like to feed your baby
Breast feeding of course!!

Previous pregnancy experiences
4 previous births, all totally stylish, vaginal deliveries. 1st in hospital, with ruptured waters, gas and a shot of pethidine, 2nd hospital in water, unassisted till after born, last 2 homebirths, no drugs, no pain, no tearing, no tears.....also 2 terminations in and amongst it all.


Any other information
Totally healthy woman who births naturally and easily with huge trust and love for her body. No health issues or sensitivities, strong as an ox with huge stamina. Gives birth like the cliché woman in the field, and no problems with breastfeeding and after care. Totally confident and aware of issues and rights.

In the Personal History bit I gave my occupation as a mother, lover, spinster, creatrix, and Currawong's occupation was father, lover, drummer. Then came the...

Social History

Smoking No
Alcohol 1 or 2 stouts, maybe some organic Rose occasionally
Recreational drug use No
Major stressors, life changes or losses No
Relationship issues No – love is wonderful
Family and social supports incredibly close and loving community
Children are healthy and well adjusted
Accomodation issues we live in paradise
Financial issues we always have more than enough
Other thought creates reality

Medical History

Deep venous thrombosis No
Diabetes No
Epilepsy No
Gynaecological problems No
Heart disease No
High blood pressure No
Pre pregnancy blood pressure No
Kidney disease No
Thyroid disorders No
Other nothing – strong and healthy

Mental health History

Anxiety/depression No
Postnatal depression No
Other psychiatric disorders No
Family history of mental health problems No
Emotional issues No – I've worked long and happily on owning my life....

Family history and prenatal diagnostic issues

Diabetes mother and sister have it, mother controls with diet, sister insulin
Heart disease No
High blood pressure No
Genetic disorders/congenital abnormalities No
Other nothing except extreme intelligence

And then in the back bit, in the Pregnancy Issues and management plans, in every section where it said Pregnancy issues I wrote “Totally natural, easy process with no hitches”

You may well say what I wrote was full on, and maybe even a big middle finger up to western medicine. I just thought I was writing my truth, not being intimidated by forms, and saying it how it was.

Emerging from the long dark winter

I've come to that bit after a long, hard and confusing journey, where I get it all. I understand why it happened and what I needed to learn. It makes sense.

We're still in the dregs of the end of whooping cough in our two small children, and I realised from that whole trip that it was about love. I could write pages and pages on cures and tinctures and how we dealt with it, but early on in the process I read a doctor's comment that whooping cough is mostly unaffected by medicines, and will just run until it's over ( the 100 day cough ), and that if you lived a healthy lifestyle and had breastfed babies they'd manage allright. All you can really do is stay warm and calm, eat well and keep quiet (which was EXTREMELY challenging for my mob!) and most importantly, LOVE one another. That literally was the most important thing for us to remember. You see, whooping cough found us in the middle of one of the most protracted and nasty inter-relationship periods we'd ever gone through. I had post natal depression, and the energy that I'd had for years to float around certain behaviours and keep our relation-ship sailing just dried up. I no longer had time or energy for certain ways and attitudes that I'd side stepped for years, and it took my lover some time to catch up and work out why things he'd done for ages were no longer acceptable. Of course he was a mite defensive, and I was a tad pissed off and demanding that he change instantly, and our little cherubs were in the middle wondering what the hell was going on.

Enter whooping cough stage left. For the first couple of months we were just in survival, and so afraid of our children coming to serious harm that we just over rode the personal hassles we were having and loved our kids cause we were scared. Later in the process we tried to rekindle some arguments, and noticed very quickly that the minute we let our nastier sides come to the fore, our kids would have coughing fits and get worse commensurate with our moods. So no matter how much we wanted to keep fighting our points, our kids were more important so we just let it go. And lo and behold, as we let it go and focused on love, the issues seemed to evaporate, and crystalise into a few simple issues that seemed a lot easier to deal with. We both came to some important realisations about our patterns and how they had formed and interconnected, and we all collectively started to heal. At this point, I've also got to say that living on a community helped the whole situation - our fights were by the nature of living so close to others very public, so we also had public input and compassion, and well as other people keeping stock of the progress we were making.

Long and scary illnesses have a way of putting things into perspective. We now have a benchmark by which to judge things. And fundamentally we realised that our family and our way of life was worth fighting for and keeping together. You know that statement 'fake it till you make it'? It works......

Reasessing my Reality

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So. I'm back at that point I always get to about the internet - that I'd far rather have a personal experience of meeting the next part of my creations yarns, than sell a 'product' over the world wide web to a person that I certainly can meet in many ways, but not in the ways that I prefer. I keep being reminded that the very best part of making the things I make that suprise me almost more than the average punter, is seeing where they end up, and who is attracted to the individual creation enough to part with money or energy to take it home, and begin to imprint themselves on the continuation of the 'yarn'.

I need to say again that the best bit about Tribal Fibres was that everyone who was there who had bought something from me in the past, brought their creation with them. At one point in the hall, there was a large amount of my 'yarns' from past and present sitting in the space. All those things coming together again with me - and what they'd become since leaving.

It's a trip.

And the best part about selling things to my immediate community is being able to see my yarns after they've gone as part of my everyday life. See how they're wearing, how the colour stays vibrant.... And I check on my creations, and the people who have bought them think I've forgotten them, but I've never forgotten anyone that I've sent a yarn away with. And I get to hear the stories about what's happened since the new yarn started. I loved hearing from that very suave woman that her and her family called her yarn 'the creature'. I love that people seem to really feel and honour the life in the creation.

And it seems that since trying to flog my wares on the internet, the thing I've managed to do best is to sell the stuff I listed on Etsy in person at the markets and festivals I've turned up at. I seem to have reached the critical mass point of having been heard about in Adelaide and it's surrounds, to be sending out lots of yarns everytime I go out.

Nothing quite like doing it in person....

Following (or preceeding - I'm never quite sure in this blog...) are some photo's of people who had really interesting yarns about coming together with one of my creations....that remind me to keep remembering that the personal yarns are very much one of the big reasons why I do what I do.

Tribal Fibres as well

There's just so much going on in my life at the moment - and it's one of those cases where if anyone asked me what I was up to I'd be hard pushed to describe it as busy as it feels, but all I know is that it seems like there's a lot on my plate and I'm always busy!! 

Currawong and I are having a 'men are from mars, women are from venus' elongated moment, trying to work out how to communicate so that I can express my feelings without him feeling like I'm hurling accusations at him and telling him he's not good enough.....can other women relate to that one? 

Keep meaning to put more pictures of things for sale on Etsy, but typing minutes, and writing legal letters, and shopping, and giving advice, and listening, and networking and little/big things like that take up vast amounts of time that don't get spent on my passion at the moment. Still. I keep reminding myself how incredibly lucky I am to be able to spend all my time either playing with my kiddies, being part of a community, or plying my passion as it is! 

How incredibly greatful and fortunate I am that I've chosen a life without compromise, so I don't have to do what the majority of folk have to do - mortgage and compromise their souls to pay their mortgage.... I was trying to explain that to Griffyn this morning. Again, I felt so blessed that I've got to explain to him that a huge amount of people in our country have to come up with huge amounts of money just to live in houses, and in order to make that money, they often have to work in jobs they don't really like. I love that it's a strange concept to him and us. 

We live in a community, and pay a minimal rent to live on 86 glorious acres with people we love, no compromise necessary. And because we live on these glorious acres with people we love, we can go on trips when we please, cause we're not working for other people in jobs we don't like, and the people we love will look after our space while we're away. I may be repeating myself, but sometimes I still feel like I gotta pinch myself to see if it's really true! 

And we may be having more opportunity to go travelling soon, because we're not really digging the school thing.......unfortunately it seems that the only thing my Griffy is learning at school is how to get punched in the head, how to recite nasty little rhymes, how to tease people different to him and who are differently mentally abled, and how to get teased constantly. I'm not really up for it. My kids are full on and loud and probably know more things about big concepts than some people think fit, but they're still basically pretty honest and innocent. And I like that. I like them being fairly sheltered from the big mad world. 

And I reckon we can do a lot better a job of teaching them than their school at the moment. Speaking about teaching them - they're so inspired to stay at home at home at the moment that they've pulled out their homeschooling books and I'm helping them as I write this! In answer to my questions about the physical violence and teasing, I'm being told that 'that's just what kids do' and I don't agree. I think that's 'what kids just do' because that's what we allow them to do, instead of taking the opportunity to change those behaviours, say that it's not allright, and teach ourselves and each other how to do conflict differently. 

Cause when you look at the big world stage, it's hard not to notice the big bullies and teasing that's running the world at the moment, and I don't know about you, but I'm not okay with that at all. 

And if I consider that I'm living in the Microcosm of the Macrocosm, then it's up to me to learn and teach within my micro world how to do things differently, respectfully, and for the good of all!! 

Anyway, enough of a rant. I'll keep writing about all this though, because it's what's happening in my life at the moment. 

Here are some more photo's of Tribal Fibres, taken by the beautiful Sienna.

Tribal Fibres

So I didn't take many photos - 3 in fact were all I managed, because there were so many gorgeous people to talk to, women to help dress, and things I wanted to do all while holding Balthazar, who by the time the event finally came, was well and truly over the whole thing. He'd been there since about 11.30 in the morning helping me pfaff the hall though, so he's excused. I was thrilled to see Red Catherine, and Sandy Soul, and my fairy godmother Catherine Christie, as well as so many other folk I didn't expect and was glad to set eyes on. As well, the beautiful Sienna was taking photo's, as well as other folk, and some videos were being taken, so I figured Sienna's photos would be heaps better than mine so I let my trigger finger rest!

You wanna know the very best thing about Tribal Fibres?? When the people who've bought my wares in the past heard I was doing it, and it would be an exhibition kind of thing, every single one of them who came along brought thier wearable art with them, sure that if I was displaying my art I'd want thier particular artwork as well!! I got to see all my old friends again, brought in bags and baskets to revisit the creatrix..... I'm so glad that the folk who have bought my 'yarns' love them so much that they take them visiting!! And expect that they belong in my exhibitions.... Just wish I'd had more room! Ha! I could fill a couple of halls with the creations that have gone to other homes...

What can I say to truly describe what a wonder and joy it was, to finally see such a long held dream come true - to see my creations moving and swaying and being danced in! By such gorgeous women no less... With all the luscious tribal accoutrements to add to the overall visual splendour. I was buzzing the whole night...

And there was a sweet little ole lady who nearly everybody I've talked to had a story about. She sure got around. She was introduced to me as Alison's mother, and she was a hoot! Had a lot to say about a lot of things.

Grasshopper was spectacular as usual, and the guests just rounded out their general brilliance beautifully. I especially loved those flutes. The Faerie Queen and Lizard Queen were generally splendid, and it was wonderful to see them strut their stuff and their beautiful creations again. It struck me in the wee sleepy hours that the core of the event was the Maccy Market crew, and we are so bonded and committed and used to each other and working together, that the whole thing just slid along in the flow without a hitch. And we all did well!! Everyone had a great result in their particular passion....

I wonder if we could and would and should do it again...with a few different items and dancers and flavours added in.....

Stay tuned for more photo's when Sienna's come online.....

I dream of Etsy

Yeah, I know, I know, haven't been writing on here much lately, but there's been a lot going on! Getting ready for Tribal Fibres has been consuming most of my time, and I'm realising as I'm writing this that I don't think I've even mentioned Tribal Fibres yet.......nope, I haven't.

Picture this. Gorgeous tribal belly dancers, dancing to rhythms and moods from muscled, good looking and grooving drummers and flute players, and wearing my wearable art, the Lizard Queens stunningly unique and funky recycled and innovative fashions, and Hannah Faerie's one of a kind, ceramic jewellery. I love the alchemical mix that we're brewing with this event, and I'm starting to suspect it may be one of many...

But that's not why I'm writing this quickly inbetween wrapping wire and finishing off belts, I'm writing because I finally listed some things with Etsy. Not some of my more stunning things granted, but things nonetheless. And at least it's a start. I don't know why, but I was a bit phobic about putting things for sale on the internet. And now I've done it I don't know why....

So we went out the back of our community and decided the water tanks were a good backdrop, and inbetween squalling babies, cooking dinner, and trying to get that gorgeous late sunlight, we squeezed in some good shots!

The best ones were of my man (of course) but the green head got a look in too.

Stay tuned for some sumptuous shots of Tribal Fibres soon to come, and in the future I'm going to go on a bit of a rave about a Self-Taught Guild - a guild for people who have found their own path to their passions, without doing courses, or university degrees or gaining any other form of outside sanction to pursue thier driving concerns. A guild to support, inspire, and give words to the esteem you have when you've worked something out for yourself, and have let the inspiration flow purely from your heart, untainted by anyone else's experience or 'rules'. I've realised I have a lot to say on this subject, and my sister reminded me of a conversation we had about a year ago about the virtues of the self taught anything. The idea turned into a Guild today, and I'm liking it.

And I still manage to fit in the time to make something new.....

Yes it's true.

Got my beautiful boy going to school for the first time ever, (and he's loving it) a 2 month old bubba, the irrascible Miss Moon who's a 2 year old (say no more), Lovely Lilly who still need attention even though she's so easy and gentle and self amusing, my gorgeous hunk of a fella to keep entertained and MINE (oh my, did I sound jealous and possesive then??), fellow community dwellers to keep up to date with, work with, and try to keep real with, my mother and big daughter who have a whole world of issues to themselves, this internet life I seem to be diving into more and more, my addictive early morning bike rides and sing fests, 2 little creatures, a cat and a dog, that need loving, a science fiction addiction that needs feeding in the form of sci-fi movies, series, etc to be watched, not to mention the music addiction, minutes to be typed, budgets to be budgeted, desktop publishing and flyers to be created, photo's to be taken so I can seriously start trying to sell things on Etsy, internet research to be done, books to be read, pictures to be printed, dishes to be done, food to be eaten, nappies to change, clothes to be washed, jaunts to the outside world to be enjoyed, the beach to visit, fruit to be picked and eaten, friends to catch up with, felted creatures to be made.......

Puff, puff, puff......

AND I STILL MANAGE TO FIND TIME TO MAKE!!!

Thank you, thank you very much!! (said in an voice impersonating Elvis Presley...)

I quite like this little number. It didn't look like all that amazing a deal until the beautiful Queen of Lizards put it on.....

It's out of hand spun and hand dyed sheep fleece, and as you can see, wearable art in many different ways. I'm also trying to make another thing out of mohair, but I've already pulled it apart twice, and that was after I'd already made things out of the two separate dye pots and then decided I didn't like them....so stay posted and I'll see if that particular baby can actually get born!

Enjoy!

25 Random things about me

I know this is meant to be a blog about spinning and crochet and the like, but the fact is I'm not doing a hell of a lot of that at the moment, what with a new bubba and the like, and I want to keep writing things here....

There's this thing that's happening in my facebook network, where people are posting 25 random things about themselves, and I really enjoyed doing it... You should try it yourself and see what you come up with!! After about no 15, you've gone through the store of things you wanted to say that you thought you had an endless supply of, and you start having to dig a bit deeper. That being said, I could probably write another 25.....

Anyway, I thought I'd make the most of something I'd written, and put it in here too, so here goes..........

1. I agree with Ellie, in that I don't normally do stuff like this, but I loved reading other people's 25 things, and thought I should share as well.

2. I have 5 children, and when they're all sitting around me, I spin out about how they all came out of my belly, and were made with love inside me.

3. I'm a spinster in the original sense of the word - I spin the fleece for my family - and a creatrix, and it's my 'thing'. I thought I'd never find my 'thing', until my mum bought me a spinning wheel when I was 30 as a birthing present. Which incidentally was the age when she got her first spinning wheel. It's been a mad love affair ever since.

4. Speaking about mad love affairs, and something I thought I'd never find - I live with the love of my life, and it's as good as I always secretly dreamed it would be. We met when we were 28 (we're the same age), and he's my soul mate, constant partner, best friend and most awesome lover I ever had. And the father of 4 of my children. Don't think we don't fight tho, cause we do - like cat and dog. But in the vast majority of our time we have huge amounts of fun and adventures and talking.....lots and lots of talking.....

5. We're also both Fries. Or Friesian. Where the black and white cows come from up the top of Holland. Though we're not Dutch. The Fries are a breed of their own, and the only tribe still living in the same place and speaking the same language from the survey the Romans did in 0 BC. They're also indomitable. I only discovered this a few years ago and I'm very proud of it.

6. I fancy myself a writer, and am in the process of writing a book about spinning, crochet and the things I make, as well as another one about birth, sex and death. I also keep a diary sporadically, wrote really bad poems when I was a teenager (who didn't!), and write down some of the kookier dreams I have.

7. I'm the seventh child of two seventh children, (my mum was the seventh child of her father, and my father was the seventh child of his parents, and I'm their seventh child), which has often made me wish for seven children, because there's a story that the seventh child of a seventh child will be psychic and special, and I'd love to know what the seventh of the seventh of the seventh would be like. But I think we're going to stop at 5, which is kinda sad.

8. My dad died in the Granville train crash when he was 49 (7 x 7), and I was 7, in 1977. He gave up smoking that morning, which meant he was on the non-smoking carriage right under the bridge, and if he hadn't of done that, he would have still been alive on his normal smoking carriage. He came to me after he died and told me that it was gonna be all right. And then I got teased at school that my dad was squashed like a tomato, so I stayed home for a year.

9. I really hated school. I was a head taller than most of the boys, had braces and glasses, wore long socks and long skirts, and was also a Mormon, which didn't really add to my popularity stakes. But I always had one girlfriend who made life bearable.

10. My sister got her boobs touched a bit too much by my step-father, and made a career out of it by turning it all into a comedy routine. I felt a bit ripped off when I found out years later that the 'incest' was just boob touching, cause that happened to me too, and I lost everything in supporting her and getting her out of home. ( I was 7 years younger than her). Notice how these 7's keep turning up?

11. I went overseas when I was 18 for a year, and did the whole backpacker euro-rail thing around Europe. Drank lots of beer, learnt how to scull an english pint in 3 seconds, met lots of groovy people, met 6 aunts, 5 uncles and 25 cousins in Holland, and generally had a blast. It put my life into perspective.

12. I sold life insurance for 6 months on the North Shore in Sydney. I scammed people on the phone by pretending that a friend of thiers had recommended me. I had a whole script that I learnt in training sessions where they used Colonel Sanders as inspiration. I left when I realised that I was seriously ripping people off. Also when they fired me....long story.

13. I'm seriously into Quantum Physics - after all the different belief systems I've trawled, and all the things I've learnt, I've found that Quantum Physics has room for every belief, and helps me make sense out of just about everything.

14. I was one of those horse loving girls, who had fantasies about horses and drew them lots. A bit of a crush I had.

15. I thought I was always going to be alone in that deep dark part of me inside, until I met Currawong, and we shared all our deep dark bits together. Even when we're fighting, I still know I'm not alone.

16. My dad was an uninitiated witch who could melt clouds, and I can too when I want to.

17. I have 4 brothers who won't talk to me, one of which calls me 'boofhead' everytime he HAS to talk to me, and my sister wont either. All long stories, but mostly because I was my dad's favourite and they weren't.

18. At the ripe old age of 38 I've discovered mountain bike riding (thanks Ellie!) and am surprised by how much I love my early morning rides through Kuitpo.

19. I started the Macclesfield Growers Market, although no-one would know - the 6 months leading up to our first market was the hardest I've ever worked in my life. It changed my life....

20. My favourite colour is purple, and I love shades of red and all the hues inbetween.

21. I was a lesbian for 5 years, and learnt a lot, ran a lesbian forum, and was 'super dyke' for a while, with my shaved head and leather wearing habits. I was the typist for the Mountain Lesbian Newsletter for a goodly amount of time.

22. I had a life changing moment in 6th class when a hippy couple stopped in at our playground during lunch. They had a baby boy, and as they were chatting to us the dad was changing his nappy. During the process, the baby pissed in his face, and he laughed!! I was gobsmacked. In my family there would have been yelling and tantrums. From that moment on I knew that somewhere 'out there' were colourful happy people, who lived in peace. And I vowed to find them one day. Now we are them!

23. I felt guilty the whole time I was a mormon, for playing 'mummies and daddies' with my girlfriends as a young child. It was a bit dodgy when one of my friends wanted me to pretend to rape her.... I always wanted to be princess Leia cause I had the long plaits, but she made me be Luke Skywalker cause I was tall.

24. Of all the drugs I don't do anymore, tobacco is the one I miss the most.

25. I hide my shyness by being extroverted

Up, up and away!!

This is the year for me. The year my gear is going to go somewhere groovy. Procreating has been accomplished successfully, and now it's time for me and my man to put our passions in the limelight. I got contacted by a groover at Us Trendy who wants to profile my work and I'm wrapped!! I've been waiting for someone 'out there' to show an interest, and now it seems to be starting. I've got so much to say, and so much to create, and so much to teach, and so much to learn, and so much to write about all the ideas and cross currents going through my head at any given moment. I'm really wanting to move into un-dyed, classic, wrap and fetish designs, as well as playing more with themes I've developed in the past.

And my fella got a call to wear a costume for his drumming troupe, and even though he instantly freaked out at wearing a 'uniform' ( I'm not one of the bloody Wiggles for #$@&'s sake!!), he became appeased when I suggested that I could create an artwork for his body.... We were at Rainbow Serpent Festival years ago, and he was crawling on all fours along the ground like a spider creature, and I got an image in my head of making a dog suit for him with a huge mane around his head, and pogo sticks for his hands, so he could prowl on all fours while I had a leash on his neck - pretty damn sexy I reckon. And how his troupe wants groovy clothes to wear, we're revamping the idea, and wondering how I could go about crocheting them all a costume. Or maybe just my man, who knows. I'm getting glimpses of mesh with crocheted cotton fringes..... Who knows where my imagination may take me....

But back to more practical subjects, I'll put in some photo's of the latest creation, worn by the beautiful lizard queen, to give you an idea of the direction I'm heading at the moment. Less is more, and I want to play with leaving even more open spaces on the body....

Letter to the Zeitgeist Movement

Firstly, I contemplated how many other movies and movements have similar aims of saving the world in their particular way... For example "What the Bleep" and "Down the Rabbit Hole" and "The Secret" are dealing with similar topics, but in a very Quantum Physics kind of way. Showing how our thoughts create our realities, and how this concept has been used by a few to keep us buying the whole monetary/political system. Also how our focus on it creates a hell of a lot more of it, and we'd be better off to visualise and focus on more positive realities if we want to live in them. Fritjoff Capra wrote a book called "The turning point of civilization" in the 70's, which goes into details of the great bodies in our society - law, religion, science, medicine - and how they thought they were doing a good job by taking away an element to study, and thinking this would help them understand the whole. But you kinda have to study the whole to understand the whole. He also explained how it was all falling apart, and it would be the alternative cultures who would show the way into a new reality.

I also thought about the community movement the world over, where people share resources, land and ideas, and have been doing so since the 70's, in an effort to learn how to share and get along with the earth as well as other people. A rather famous and successful example of this is Damanhur in Italy, where they have thier own form of currency, and are nearly totally self sufficient. Everything is done with a sense of reverence for the thing made, and where it's come from, and they eat together, make thier own clothes, grow thier own food, and have an outdoor temple with huge pillars where they study and co-create a spiritual belief system based around self and responsibility.

Another important and relevant movement is the homebirthing movement, where people are striving to reclaim birth from unnecessary medical intervention, and work out the best way to welcome people into the world and educate them for a healthy life. There is also a movie connected to all of this - "What babies want" - that brings into focus how we presently give birth, which is often highly medical and disempowered. We all know the cute story of putting a baby sheep with humans as it's first contact, in which case the sheep bonds with humans and thinks it is one - what is the impact of taking baby humans and putting them with machines??

But this is all fairly modern - what about examples from the past about all the issues you raise? The indigenous folk of Australia have been living in a cash free, resource rich society for over 50.000 years before the white fella's got here, as well as the indigenous folk of most other countries. They have a lot to teach about how to live with the land and each other as well. For that matter, us white fella's have this knowledge too if you look far enough back. For a good 60,000 years pre about 4,000 BC we mostly lived in earth mother focused, matrifocal, non-violent societies. L.Robert Keck wrote about this in 'Sacred Eyes', and he also wrote an essay about how humans aren't by nature violent. It's all a fairly recent invention.

I totally agree that if you gave folk all they needed for a comfortable life, as well as the freedom to find thier individual passions and selves, we'd live in a wonderful society. It would be arranged in as many different ways as there are shades of colour in the spectrum, cause one of the best things about humans is their diversity. One of the best things about everything for that matter. I personally think one of our greatest mistakes is to seperate ourselves from our planet and all the other species, as it's so obvious that we've all got the same bits as the other animals. And I've often wondered about the frontal lobe - which most scientists believe to be where our consciousness comes from - when dolphins and whales have huge ones!!!

And I reckon there's also a lot to learn from the Friesians. When the Romans did a survey of the tribes in Europe in 0 AD, they did a very complete job, and the Friesians are the only ones still in the same place, and speaking the same language! 700 years before the French Revolution, the Friesians were practicing autonomous anarchy in essence - there was no ruling class, monarchy, or political system - they all practiced thier own beliefs in their own way, and respected everyone elses right to do the same. There is a saying that every Friesian was born a noble, and basically they were a peaceable race - unless you messed with thier freedom. And then hell hath no fury like a Friesian unfree!!!!

That's another group that have parrallels to the Zeitgeist movement - Crimethinc - an anarchist group aiming towards sovereignty and autonomy. "Days of War, Nights of Love" is definitely worth a good read.

And a modern concept coined by our local governments (they're not all bad!!) called 'community capacity building'. This basically recognises that all individuals are equal, and have thier own particular skill to add to the whole. Also acknowledges that all systems are based on heirarchys which don't work, and only disempower folk from finding their own 'thing'. My partner and I started a market in the hills that changed our world, based on this concept.

So all in all, I totally agree with most of the concepts in Zeitgeist, but you don't have to totally reinvent the wheel, as there are a lot of similar groups and beliefs going on, that have a lot to say about where to from here. I don't necessarily believe the only solution is a completely scientific and technical one - as I've mentioned, there is a lot to learn from our collective past.

And as Ghengis Kahn illustrated with his dying breaths, we are stronger together than apart. Trying to work out how to divide his huge empire between his many sons, he took a stack of sticks and held them together, and asked his sons to break them, which they couldn't. Then he pulled out one stick and asked his sons to break it which of course they could. And he told them to remember that lesson. Together they were strong, but alone they were easily broken.

As you may have noticed, I have a tremendous amount to say about all of this, and would be more than happy to elucidate on any of the points I've raised. Hope this is usefull!!