Hellena Post - Creatrix

I've tried on so many uniforms and badges that now I'm just me - mother of 8 children and all that entails, flowmad, and human animal parent. Writer of this living book of a blog, philosopher, and creatrix of hand dyed and spun crocheted wearable art. I gave up polite conversation years ago, and now I dive into the big one's.....birth, sex, great wellness, life, passion, death and rebirth.

Thursday, September 4, 2014

The Truth

As a natural born scientist, I’ve been experimenting with my life for many years now.  Diagnosing, postulating and theorising, based on the empirical evidence of my life experiences, and the results of the experiments run to prove or disprove my theories. 

One of my first experiments was to come up with a theory by which to enter into an uncertain future at the age of 16, when I’d left home under police escort to live with my sister in Bathurst, leaving behind my mountain home, family, friends, school, childhood religion, cat, dog, horse, piano, cello and at moments I thought my sanity.  For two weeks I played solitaire with a deck of cards wherever I sat, and ate cheese compulsively.  Grieving, pining, wondering what it was all about, letting go.  At the end of those weeks, and in the complete vacuum left by the absence of a religion which had an answer for everything…………from over the other side of a seemingly impassable void, inbetween where I stood, turned out from my religion, schooling and family KNOWING that I was stupid, ugly, knew nothing of importance and never would, and that everyone and everything was better than me…………..and the rest of the world that looked to me, as a sweet young thing, to be so incredibly clever, and beautiful, and witty and wild.  Especially surrounded as I was by passionate and creative university students in a hybrid uni-farming town, in the days before university fees, when young folks went there while they worked out what they REALLY wanted to do when they grew up.  Plays and performances and spontaneous music and beat poetry glittered in amongst the wild haircuts and clothes and crazy underground uni student homes, spread out through a picturesque countryside.   I very quickly realized that I’d been brought up as very white and middle class,  and was racist, sexist, and homophobic. So after my cheese eating solitaire obsessing binge, and after realizing all of that, and letting it all sink into the void, from across the other side came a very simple…..

The only truth is that there is no ultimate truth.

It worked for me.  And I set about trying to learn from each and every single thing that happened to me, and from everyone I came into contact with, especially the people that made me feel uneasy……cause lets face it, at that point in my life just about everyone made me feel uneasy.  My childhood had been pretty shit in general really.  Lots of unhappiness and loneliness.  Interspersed with moments of pure gold and gorgeous friendships of course, cause there’s always a seam of bright to the smudge, but it was about as crap as I’d want to experience anyway.  Dad died when I was 7 in the Granville train crash, blah blah, there’s a lot of blah there, but that’s not part of this story. 

I’ve done lots of things since then, and learnt from so many many people along the way, who have taught me all sorts of lessons and given me insights to so many theories, that I took along with me to experiment with on the way.  I’ve been sitting here trying to come up with a list of theories I’ve experimented with, but they’re so incredibly numerous, and I realize that what I’m trying to say is about all those other experiments, but mostly about the big theory I’m playing with right now, especially as I’ve gone to such trouble to outline the first very big theory, that I started what I consider my adult life with. 

Because it’s come full circle.  After thinking that I knew ‘the truth’ as  bequeathed by my childhood religion, I left it and came to ‘the only truth is that there is no ultimate truth’ and travelled for a long and lovely time through all sorts of panoramas and cultures and ecosystems and tribes, till I come to right here and now, where I’m going to tell you that I actually am onto ‘the truth’ again. 

That’s right.  I’m telling you that I know The Truth.  The Big One.  The Great Kahuna.  The Almighty And Omnipresent Truth Of Truthness.

And if you’re anything like everyone else that I’ve said this to since I’ve been experimenting with this concept, you’re rolling your eyes, or getting instantly distracted, and trying to work out how you can politely tell me that my truth is very cute, but it’s only MY truth afterall, or shuffling your feet and suddenly feeling an intense interest in the condition of your fingernails, or the other routines you go through when you come across another person trying to tell you what ‘the truth’ is again……..   

And I’ll even put in a little preamble, and tell you that this ‘truth’ comes to you via a million different reflections in a million different mirrors and truths and versions of truths, and self organizing symmetry, and the fractal nature of reality, and smidgins of shards of religion and spirituality, and lessons to be learned from the light and dark paths of enlightenment………

Are you curious yet?  Have you stopped the shuffle?  Are you ready for me to tell you THE TRUTH?

The Great And Ultimate Truth Is The Synthesis Of Every Single One Of Us Being Who We Are Born To Be.   In being true to our authentic human selves, and living our own truth, no matter what that may be, we are actually BEING ‘the truth’.  Living our part of the great and universal truth that is the combination and synthesis of us all and everything there is, and all of our experiences, and beliefs, and truths, and hearts.  Because it has to be.  Any great truth, or god, or spirituality, or science or belief has to hold us all.  Has to hold us all with the unconditional love that we all deserve and respond to.  Between all of us is The Truth.  And the best way to get there is to follow the paths and the fractals within us, being led by our desires and loves and passions.  And learning from our pains and griefs and tortures.  Equally from both.  The Pleasurable and the Painful.  Pleasure and joy are easy to learn from, but it takes the true dedication of a scientist to elicit lessons, opportunities and gifts from the Painful experiments of life.  Our Shadows are parts of ourselves that we pull away from ourselves in order to externalize and attempt to understand.   Blame, Fear and Denial keep your Shadow at bay, but eating it back into yourself brings the seeds of enlightenment at the heart of your shadow within you. 

Just like Ashoka, the rough young king that came into power in India, towards the end of the apparently Dark Ages, that was only Dark in fact around the Roman Catholic Church, we could really get, that to pick one way or truth or belief or god as supreme overall, is a bit insulting to others and their truths really, and bound to cause conflict and warring.  And instead we could all create Universe Cities within our minds, where all the beliefs and truths and experiences could come together as equals, and have a great rap about what they’ve got in common, and we take the bits that resonate, and respect the equal truth of the rest, and go on our merry own paths. 

And whether you call it God, or Great Spirit, or Buddha, or Self Organisation, or Chaos, or Creation, or Evolution, or Consciousness, or Allah, or Goddess, or Anarchy, or The Law Of Every Action Having An Equal And Opposite Reaction……..it seems that they’re all actually the same thing.  It’s that bit that happens in your life that defies all expectations of coincidence, serendipity, and random occurrences.  That bit that makes you inherently aware that there’s a great design or purpose to the things that happen around you, and they’re all leading you to a logical conclusion.  The bit where you realize that you often get what you need, instead of what you want, and that all the things you get are actually as good or bad as each other, when you see them as lessons, opportunities, and gifts.  The bit where you know in your very being and soul that you’re not alone, but are surrounded by a host of guardian angels, or in connection with DNA and the energy that’s constantly moving round in our universe and remembering where it’s been, or with The Ancestors, or with entities and deities and devas all around us, or the particles that make up the 4 billions parts of information that our eyes see every second, and that we only consciously recognize 2 thousands parts of.  The bit that helps you to see everything else as kin and connected, and that what you give out, is what you get back.  The bit that encourages you to empathise, be compassionate, and do to other people what you’d like done to yourself.

The Great And Ultimate Truth Is All Of It.  All our lessons and learnings and pains and joys and wars and peace and truths and denials and fears and trust and realizations and knowings and feelings and doings.  The synthesis of all of our trials and inner knowledge and traumas and love.  The Truth within us, is the same as The Truth without us.  And we are all an integral part of it. 

Take it for a test run at least, and then let me know what you think of The Truth.


  1. Oh the truth! I love your writing and your train of thought. I think you have a marvelous brain and intellect. Thank you starry, beautiful hellena :)

    PS are you hell-n-uh or hel-leen-uh?

    1. I'm so glad you enjoyed it Benevolence, and thanks for asking, cause it's hell-n-uh actually :) Knew a tragic drag queen called hel-leen-uh that forevermore put me off that pronunciation. And miss hel-leen-uh on Romper Room didn't do the name that much justice either.....


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